Dear Coffee shops,
Please use cup size terminology that follows the general human convention, and not some type of lofty imported-feeling labels. The smallest cup shall be known as 'small' and the largest cup shall be known as 'large'. The cup which holds a volume of liquid greater than that held by the 'small' yet less than that held by the 'large' shall be named 'medium'. If in the event there are four cup sizes and the largest cup will not fit in one's car cup holder, it shall be called 'extra large'.
This is not difficult stuff.
HaliG
P.S. While I have you, can we stop calling coffee cutesy names like 'winter cabin' or 'delightful fancy bean'? If 'coffee' is not specific enough of a request, let's use 'dark' or 'light', okay?
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Big Banks
Dear Big Banks,
Dudes. You have a gazillion dollars. You do not need my transaction fees and monthly service charges in order to 'perform maintenance' on your ATMs. In my parents' day, people would give you money and they would get something in return. It was like a 'thank you' for letting the bank use the money to invest in things. Now, you take my money (for a fee) and to get it back (or just to leave it alone), I pay you. There is no way around it is there? You are all in on this together. No employer will cut you a real paper cheque anymore either, which means we HAVE to direct deposit our money into your accounts.
I wish there was a way around scandalous bank practices.
HaliG
P.S. There is. Its no-fee banking from PC Financial. Nice work, fellas.
Dudes. You have a gazillion dollars. You do not need my transaction fees and monthly service charges in order to 'perform maintenance' on your ATMs. In my parents' day, people would give you money and they would get something in return. It was like a 'thank you' for letting the bank use the money to invest in things. Now, you take my money (for a fee) and to get it back (or just to leave it alone), I pay you. There is no way around it is there? You are all in on this together. No employer will cut you a real paper cheque anymore either, which means we HAVE to direct deposit our money into your accounts.
I wish there was a way around scandalous bank practices.
HaliG
P.S. There is. Its no-fee banking from PC Financial. Nice work, fellas.
Infomercials
Dear Infomercials,
We aren't stupid. Really. No one empties their vaccuum bag into the trash from five feet in the air, blowing dirt all over. No one clears the pictures off the wall and breaks the ceiling fan while using a conventional ladder. And no one is tired of chopping onions the old fashioned way. It does not take 12 seconds to prepare dinner with your grill unless all of your materials are chopped up and prepared in individual bowls (like they are in your shows).
Please give your heads a shake.
HaliG
P.S. This is how rediculous you look:
We aren't stupid. Really. No one empties their vaccuum bag into the trash from five feet in the air, blowing dirt all over. No one clears the pictures off the wall and breaks the ceiling fan while using a conventional ladder. And no one is tired of chopping onions the old fashioned way. It does not take 12 seconds to prepare dinner with your grill unless all of your materials are chopped up and prepared in individual bowls (like they are in your shows).
Please give your heads a shake.
HaliG
P.S. This is how rediculous you look:
Brita
Dear Brita,
Please do not produce ads that give the false impression that we are all going to die tomorrow from drinking tap water. There are already enough germ-freaks in the world without making people think that they are drinking toilet water so long as they are not using Brita. It's true, tap water and toilet water come from the same source, but that means that tiolet water is clean, not that tap water is dirty.
Please quit it.
HaliG
Psyllium fibre
Dear psyllium fibre,
How could you sell out to Kellogg's cereal? I mean, you get Regis Philbin to go on TV to promote you in a PSA-looking advert, touting your wondrous health benefits, with no mention of Kellogg's brand. At the end, Regis says that he doesn't know about me, but he is definitely going to look for a cereal with loads of psyllium fibre in the box. If you follow the innocent-sounding link at the bottom of the screen (psyllium.ca), you are directed to Kellogg's, and not to some health agency promoting its intake, Kellogg's!
What a sell-out! Shame on you, psyllium.
HaliG
How could you sell out to Kellogg's cereal? I mean, you get Regis Philbin to go on TV to promote you in a PSA-looking advert, touting your wondrous health benefits, with no mention of Kellogg's brand. At the end, Regis says that he doesn't know about me, but he is definitely going to look for a cereal with loads of psyllium fibre in the box. If you follow the innocent-sounding link at the bottom of the screen (psyllium.ca), you are directed to Kellogg's, and not to some health agency promoting its intake, Kellogg's!
What a sell-out! Shame on you, psyllium.
HaliG
Spam
Dear Spam,
Please quit it with the emails. I just started a brand new email account and already it's full of junk. I don't need to increase my size, nor do I need secret stock quotes. Just stop it. I also have a sinking suspicion that when I enter my email on your unsubscribe list, you are just selling it to more spammers. Say it isn't so.
HaliG
Please quit it with the emails. I just started a brand new email account and already it's full of junk. I don't need to increase my size, nor do I need secret stock quotes. Just stop it. I also have a sinking suspicion that when I enter my email on your unsubscribe list, you are just selling it to more spammers. Say it isn't so.
HaliG
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